


The (Not-So) Fast And The Curious

by Nostalgia_101



Category: New Girl
Genre: F/M, Road Trips, Tropes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-14
Updated: 2013-10-14
Packaged: 2017-12-29 10:09:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1004135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nostalgia_101/pseuds/Nostalgia_101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jess and Nick's idea of a road trip are two very different things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The (Not-So) Fast And The Curious

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the tropes meme on Tumblr. The request was Nick/Jess: road trip.
> 
> Set after episode 3.04 'The Captain'.

Jess glanced at her boyfriend from the passenger seat of her car while he drummed his hands on the steering wheel. “Hey Nick? Remember an hour ago when you were like, ‘We should totally go on a super awesome road trip’? And I was all, “Hell yeah! I knew I made that new mix-CD for a reason!’”

“These songs _are_ pretty catchy,” Nick grinned, picking up the empty case to read the tracklist. “Although Mambo No. 5, Jess? Seriously?”

“I like it because he mentions my name,” she said, snatching the case off him. “But that’s not the point. The point is, when you said ‘let’s go on a road trip’ I kind of thought you meant we’d actually be _going_ somewhere.” Jess gave a half-hearted wave to a neighbor as they drove past her parked car in the building’s garage.

“I can see where you might be confused,” Nick nodded. “But we are on a road… of sorts. And you did trip over that brick near the stairwell door, so…”

Jess reached out to pat his knee. “What’s really going on here, Nick?” Her eyes lit up. “Are you getting me out of the loft so the boys can set up a surprise party?”

“What?” he choked. “Set up a… Oh my God, please tell me I didn’t forget your birthday. Oh man, I am the worst boyfriend in the world.” Nick patted his shirt pockets, searching for a pen. “We need the number for a clown or a stripper or a clown stripper. And a piñata! What am I saying, I could make one. I’ll just shove some frozen peas into a trash bag and…”

“Nick, settle down!” said Jess, clutching his shoulders to make him stop fidgeting. “It’s OK, it’s not my birthday. And no offense, because I love the thought, but that sounds like the saddest piñata in the world.”

He gaped at her. “Why would you even say surprise party if it’s not your birthday, Jessica? Or is the surprise part a surprise heart attack?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “It could have been a surprise party for anything. Like, ‘Surprise! We’re all going to leave the toilet seat down after we pee!’ Or, ‘Surprise! We love your cute new sweater with the red bows on it!’”

Nick raised his eyebrows. “OK, well, no offense but that sounds like the saddest _surprise party_ in the world.”

“It really does,” echoed a male voice, causing Nick and Jess to jump. They turned to the driver’s window where Winston and Schmidt were crouching down, peering in. “Also, if you’re having bathroom issues then speak to these two cretins,” added Schmidt, indicating the other boys. “My lavatory etiquette is second to none.”

“Oh please,” scoffed Winston. “Like you don’t leave all your hair products lying around everywhere. And don’t even get me started on your manscaping kit.” He shuddered. “I can’t un-see those kinds of things, man.”

“What can we do for you two?” asked Nick, turning down the music. “We’re kind of on a road trip here.”

“You are?”

“Apparently,” said Jess, before giving Schmidt an odd look. “Hey Schmidt? Why are you carrying around that old brick like a small child?”

They all stared at their roommate, who clutched the object to his side. “We’re kindred spirits this brick and I – lifelong compadres if you will. I found it in the stairwell, lost and alone with no one to love.” Schmidt patted the brick fondly. “I’ve named him Barnaby.”

“Cece still not returning your calls, huh?” said Nick.

Schmidt shook his head. “It’s OK, though, because I have this little guy now.”

“Dude, that is one unhealthy attachment,” Winston grimaced before poking his head further into the car window. “Onto more important things: have you two seen Ferguson? He and I were supposed to take a nap together but I can’t find him anywhere.”

“No, we haven’t seen your creepy cat,” Nick sighed, yelping when Winston flicked his earlobe. “What was that for? You know that’s my sensitive spot!”

“Ferguson is not creepy, you take that back!”

“He stares at you like he’s reading your _soul_ ,” Nick cried. “That’s beyond creepy. A cat shouldn’t be that wise, dude. Leave it to the owls and the pigeons.”

“Pigeons?” said Schmidt.

Nick scowled. “Trust me, they know what’s up.”

“Guys, guys,” Jess chimed in, holding her hands up to placate them, “let’s just take a moment to breathe and relax and appreciate the wise nature of all creatures, hmm? Cats, pigeons, sheep, whatever.”

“I don’t think sheep are all that wise,” Nick murmured, “but that’s OK, that’s not the point. We can discuss that another day.”

“We can, because I have a lot of thoughts on why you’re wrong, but yes, not the point.” Jess re-focused her attention. “Winston, why don’t you go and look on the rooftop. Maybe Ferguson’s just getting some sun. And Schmidt,” she frowned. “Maybe stop caressing your pet rock and go and help Winston. We’ll be up soon to help you look.”

Grumbling about being stuck with the ‘crazy one’, Winston stalked off through the parking garage with Schmidt in tow while Nick turned back to Jess. “We’ll be up soon? What happened to our road trip?”

Jess gave him a pointed look. “What happened is that you still haven’t told me why we’re sitting in a parked car. Not that I don’t enjoy spending time with you, but this kind of has me baffled, Miller.”

With a small smile, Nick took her hand in his. “I like spending time with you too. That’s why I did this. I just kept thinking back to how great our road trip was when we first got together.”

“Nick, you got arrested.”

“And it made me feel like Batman, not gonna lie,” he smirked, “but aside from that, I just really liked it when it was you and me in the car hanging out. Occasionally having sex like champions, too, but mainly the hanging out stuff. It was nice.”

“Yeah, it was,” Jess smiled. “Was there any reason why you didn’t want to hang out while the car was moving though?”

He sighed. “Mainly because I’m a schmuck and I don’t have enough money for gas right now. I’m sorry this date sucks.”

“I can pay for stuff as well,” Jess gently reminded him, giving his hand a squeeze. “I don’t mind.”

“Yeah but I do.” He dropped his head. “You’re my old lady, y’know? I wanna take care of you. Pull out chairs, open doors, feed you grapes or whatever.”

Lifting his chin up with her free hand, Jess leant in and kissed him softly. “And you’re my old man,” she murmured against his lips. “So that means I take care of you too, got it?”

He nodded. “Does that mean you’ll let me wear your sweater with the bows on it if I get cold?” he quipped.

“No way, only I get to be the cute one.”

Nick grinned as she trailed her hand through his hair. “Of course you _OHMYGOD_!”

“What?!” Jess yelled, jerking away. “Did I accidentally brush your earlobe? I’m sorry, I know that freaks you out!” 

Staring out the front window, Nick screwed up his face. “I found the cat.”

Jess followed his eye line to where Ferguson was sitting calmly on the hood of the car, inspecting Nick. She tilted her head in wonder. “You’re right, he does look wise. I hadn’t really noticed before.”

“You know, he’s not as creepy as I thought. His gaze is kinda soothing. Like he knows the mysteries of the world but he’s not a show-off about it.” Nick turned the music back up and sank into his seat. “I think we should hang out here a bit longer before we take him upstairs.” He curled his arm around Jess’s shoulder and pulled her into his side as Mambo No.5 pumped through the speakers. “ _A little bit of Ferguson in my life_ ,” he sang along, making Jess laugh. “ _A little bit of Jessica by my side_.”

“Sing your heart out, Miller,” said Jess, pumping her fist into the air.

“ _A little bit of Jessica in the sun, a little bit of Jessica all night long_!” he wailed out of tune. “ _A little bit of Jessica here I am! A little bit of you makes me your old man_!”

Cracking up along with Nick, Jess wrapped her arm across his chest. “Best road trip ever.”


End file.
